Attempts at another genre

[marieldraconis]

Come closer, my child, and here tell what happens to those who disturb the dead....

There was once a girl, naive and curious about the world, who sought to learn of the past in the only way she knew how—through books. She read and read, but in the end learned not enough to satisfy her curiosity. As she looked for more to read, she fell into archaeology. Soon, an archaeological expedition set out to unearth the garden of a college, and she was among those who offered to help dig.
At first, all went well. Every day, they arrived at the dig site, and removed the tools from a chilly basement room. That would be their last escape from heat until lunchtime, when they fled to nearby restaurants and coffee shops, only to return an hour later and dig until collapse. Then they would place the tools in the basement, and leave, only to repeat the process again the next day.
One day, the girl noticed two doors in the storage room, doors that did not blend in with the architecture of the rest of the building. She asked one of her comrades, “What lies behind those doors?”
“Lord Botetourt and the Randolph family. They were fairly influential in this city, soon after it was founded, so they got to be buried under the college.”
The girl wondered at the wisdom of storing their digging tools near dead bodies, but she said nothing and went back to work.

On the last day of the dig, a great storm rose up and they had to take shelter. The group fled to their storage room, the anteroom of the crypt. A few, including the girl, huddled under an overhang waiting for the storm to subside, while the others went into the storage room itself. The girl stared out at the storm for some time, finally turning to ask a question of those who remained inside—to find them gone.
“Where did they go?”
“One of the doors was open, and they went to explore the crypt. I’m going too; do you want to join me?”
The girl declined. One by one, the rest of the group fled inside to wait out the rain. There was no noise but the drops of rain. Eventually, those also stopped. The girl called for her comrades. No response. She called again. No answer. Finally she went into the tomb, and saw....

Note: this is not yet finished. I ran out of time. It’s also my first ghost story, and I don’t read much horror, so any advice on how to write this sort of story would be much appreciated.

Comments

[chalavienne.livejournal.com]

Since the writing seems pretty matter of fact, not very descriptive, then I'd say that don't embellish whatever it is she saw, just describe it as impassively (i.e. and saw a pile of fresh corpses with a red beast crouched over them, something like that). That'll have the fun effect of understatement. Except most ghost stories are more detailed, to add to the suspense and make it more engaging for the listener/reader, since the point is to scare them. But since it's told through another voice, apparently, the style you're using is ok too.

Don't keep me in suspense much longer! What'd she see??

[marieldraconis]

Getting there--thanks for the advice. I'll write it up ASAP, I promise.
Is my style better or worse than the standard style?

[azn-wanderer.livejournal.com]

same as the rest...more detail. stretch it out. maybe even some false alarms. generate more interest in the girl (for instance, give her a life (or nonlife) outside of digging so we can care if she dies). Perhaps a friendship or other interest in her companions would enliven the story. Basically, you have a good enough idea to turn it into anything from a short story to a whole freakin' novel if you please.

And there's two kinds of horror: gore horror and suspense horror. Methinks you want suspense, so go ahead, drown us in detail while keeping lots of things secret. If it helps, try to think of the scene as "play-by-play"; don't get ahead of yourself.

[marieldraconis]

Right. Gotcha. Hmm...this will need thinking about. I hadn't realized how long that this might run...thanks. I'll add more soon (when I can).